Loss
by Remi Mayier
Summary: Spike couldn't remember much of anything these days, but he did remember the town of Nibelheim and the hell he went through there. AU.


Title: Loss  
>Fandom: FFVII<br>Warnings: None.  
>Prompt: Loss<br>A/N: This was supposed to be a 200 word drabble, but ended up getting seriously out of hand.

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><p>This town should not exist. Spike remembers that much at least. He remembers the flames licking his body, the unbridled hatred for the General, and then the years of experimentation at the hands of that damn scientist. His memories of the years before he woke up in Midgar weeks ago are disorganized or non-existent. But he knows this town was burned to the ground.<p>

So why is it here?

Why is it here looking every bit the picturesque town of the mountain. All cobbled streets and tiny houses with a lone, worn water tower standing in the middle.

_Water tower…a promise from long ago._

"Let's hit the damn mansion and get out of this town." _It's suffocating me._

The Shin-Ra mansion was the last place on Gaia, Spike ever wanted to return to. There was too much pain, too much sorrow, too much of his past here.

Hell, it was just too much.

He hated the idea of stepping foot in that place and if he had a choice, he would definitely turn and run. But as far as he could tell this is the only lead they had on Sephiroth and what the General might be up to. So instead he sucked up his fear and led his comrades into, literally, his personal hell on earth.

Inside was the same as he remembered; the only indication the mansion was no longer occupied was the thick layer of dust covering everything. That did nothing to settle his nerves. He found himself moving room from room exploring every nook and cranny. If he was being truthful with himself he would admit that it was from the desire to never set foot in that damn basement again.

He had just found a safe with a key and a new summon materia in it when he heard them call. Apparently Yuffie and her 'great ninja skills' had discovered the hidden passageway.

_No, not yet. I'm not ready to face it yet._

"You okay, Spike?" Barrett questioned. Of course, Barrett would recognize the fear coursing through him now. It wasn't what? Barely a week ago he had had to face his own demons.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with."

Forcing himself to breath normally, to not let the emotions rise to the surface, to not run away, was harder and harder the closer they got to the laboratory. Stepping into it again was the hardest thing he had to do.

_Come on, Spike, it's just a damn room,_ he scolded himself.

But he couldn't fool himself like that. He knew it was more than that. This place held inside it everything he was. It was the place that had taken his childhood from him. It was the place that had taken his memories of anything good, and had forced him to relieve, nightly, the horror of what is the Shin-Ra company. It was just…too damn much.

With a word to his companions about looking into the other rooms, he left. He was sure it didn't fool any of them. Actually he laughed that was a lie; Yuffie defiantly believed him, but that was because she was still young and didn't look past the surface.

Again, he took his time, hoping that by the time he was done here, they would be done in _there. _He searched the rooms, found some items that would come in handy, took out his frustrations, and his cowardice, on a few monsters that were unlucky enough to cross his path, and found a lock door.

Remembering the key, he took it out and placed it in the lock. It worked. Opening the door he saw a room filled with…coffins.

He gave a humorlessly laugh, "Should have known."

"Should have known what?" Aerith questioned. He looked to see the rest of them with her; apparently they were finished in the lab. Now they would just have to catch him up on what they found, he wasn't going back in there.

He didn't answer her just nodded toward the room and what was inside; she could draw her own conclusions. They moved together into the room, keeping an eye out for anything that could be used.

It was Yuffie's 'great ninja skills' that found the 'remarkable' thing again. What really happened was she tried to impress everyone with a front flip and crashed into one of the coffins, breaking opening the lid.

Inside the coffin was a man in a tattered red cloak. A couple of conversations gave some insight on the General and the Shin-Ra cooperation, and suddenly the man said he would join them, though Spike couldn't really remember asking. But whatever the more muscle the easier the fights would get, and as far as Spike was concerned anyone who was an enemy of Shin-Ra was a friend to him.

He gave his name as "Vincent," while the others started checking the other coffins.

"Yo, Spike, over here."

Now what? "Don't tell me you found another person sleeping in a coffin wishing they where a vampire."

This remark earned him a look from the vampire.

"Actually, yeah."

_What? _Spike immediately went towards where the gun-armed man was standing. Nearing he noticed tubes comingfrom a machine in the corner and disappearing into the coffin Barrett and the others where around. He detoured, making a bee line for the machine.

A close inspection, proved what he had been thinking. "At least this one wasn't in there by choice. He –"

"She," Aerith cut in.

"She was put into a drug-induced coma." He flipped the switch to stop the administration, and then finally moved to take a look at the woman.

His approach first gave him the view of her feet; from there the frayed ends of a tattered red dress filled his vision – seriously, what was with these coffin freaks and red. A slim waist gave way to "whoa, are those real?" Then a quick jab in the stomach by Aerith had his line of sight directly on her face.

That's when the weird shit started. Again.

The ringing in his head grew, but somehow this time around he was seeing everything. As if the ringing was make him hyperaware of his surroundings…or more specifically her. Even with the sunken appearance and pale skin, she was pretty. Dark, brown hair framed her face, the contrast between her hair and skin made her look…vulnerable somehow. He took in the details of her full lips, and the long lashes against her cheeks. Then she opened her eyes.

Mako blue meet mako blue…and Spike hit the floor.

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><p><em>No. No, no no no. Not her.<em>

Not her? Who are you talking about?

_Please, not her. Take everything from me! Just please, not her!_

Who is her? What are you talking about?

Then a memory hit him. A child, shunned by the town. A young girl, his next door neighbor. What he wouldn't give for a chance to talk to her, to be worthy to talk to her.

He watched her, always watched from a distance. Brown hair, and a blue dress. And brown eyes that almost looked red in the right light. He loved her eyes.

Spike woke up on the ground. Looking up her saw her…the girl…the woman in the coffin. Her mako blue eyes on his, she muttered his name. The first time anyone had said it in years, "Cloud?"

"Tifa."


End file.
